In Loving Memory

I lost a friend this year.

He died right outside of a church.

I couldn't bare it but I went to the scene of the crash and there was this one star shining bright in the star and I spoke as if he could hear me.

I cried like I never cried before, my heart bled through my chest and my lungs gave way. Then I stopped.

In the moment of my breakdown I screamed out "who is gonna care for me now".

I felt more alone than ever before.

My best-friend, the one I trusted with all my secrets and gossip was just.. gone.

No phone call to say bye. No warning..

Just a painful joke on April fools night

I called his phone about 10 times hoping he'd answer so I could tell him how much of dick he was for making my heart fail like this.

But there was no answer

I couldn't leave a voicemail because he never set that up.

The worst part about it is that he was finally at peace within himself and I was still cleaning up the mess my leaking heart left behind and he was the strength behind my weakest points.

I Paused and looked up, I smiled because I felt that he could hear me. I felt that he was still here. I felt as those even though he wasn't here in the flesh he'd be there watching over me.

I looked around at those who held me when all I wanted to do was fall and I knew that he was the one who made these two powerful women come along with me to face this tragedy.

"You're not alone" Is what I imagined him to say to me and I clung onto them for dear life. I squeezed one of their hands so tight and I laid my head on the others chest and listened to her heart beat. This was it.. the sound of life and I am still living.

It was at that point onward that I decided that every move I made had to count as if I were playing a game of chest, just as he played. Every word I spoke had to be nothing but the truth just as he preferred and everything life threw at me, I had to constantly remind myself that THIS. IS. NOT. THE. END!

Stay pushing through and stay consistent in everything you choose to do.

My motivation. My Hero.

There will never be anyone like you

A gentle and caring soul, perfectly imperfect and fearless in accepting everyones flaws.

Our baby would have been undeniably adorable from the inside out and through this exact memory of you I survive.

Remember those who never gave up on you even though you didn't believe you could go further and use that to carry on.

They're watching and counting on you!

Her

xo